So many of you know that I have suffered from depression and anxiety for well most of my life. Through the years I have learned to really battle it on my own; through the foods I eat, the activities I engage in and the things I filter into my brain. But sometimes LIFE HAPPENS and we just feel like we are in a rut. For the past few weeks I have really really struggled with myself. Thoughts of self doubts ("I am not good enough" "I need to be a better mom" "I am not inspiring anyone" "I can't do it" "I suck at life") kind of attitude. You guys also know that I also struggled with an eating disorder for YEARS in my past and while I will NEVER go down that road again I realize that FOOD is something I have used as a coping mechanism. I am an EMOTIONAL EATER; happy, sad, mad, bored. You name it I will find a reason to EAT.
My job as a health and fitness coach is to give people hope, encouragement, motivation, support, accountablity, the tools to be successful in their own journeys. When I tell you that for the past several weeks I have been feeling like a TOTAL and UTTER failure. Literally I felt like I was just going through the motions of life, my workouts, my poor eating, being a wife, a mother. How can I inspire someone else when I can't even inspire myself to get out of this rut. Not to mention along with my struggle mentally and emotionally I was struggling spiritually. I could see God working through me and using me to help other people but personally I was feeling the most disconnected I had ever felt from him. It truly was a tough place to be in. It's not that I didn't know he was there, its just that I couldn't feel or sense him. I can't describe it other than for the first time in a LONG time I felt really alone.
In my growing faith I have learned that SOMETIMES God puts us in a place to show us how powerful he truly is. When he is putting you in this place of discomfort its because he is PREPARING you for something GREATER. Its taken me many, many years to be ok with being uncomfortable. But I know that no matter what the situation is, no matter how low I may be feeling HE will bring me through. I know he is preparing me for greatness and I am learning to be more comfortable in a place of discomfort. Over the past week God has laid some special, special things on my heart. I have sensed the need to reFOCUS on ME and my purpose for HIM. In learning to CRAVE him instead of craving food, to worship my body as HIS TEMPLE. So I have recommitted to a new journey not just a physical journey but a spiritual journey as well (I will save that for my next post).
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