Honesty

Alright it's honesty time!! I hope I have other Mommas that can relate to this. I normally am not one to complain; those who know me know I'm a very vibrant person I always see the glass half full and see the positive about everything. 

But I have to say this pregnancy has been really really hard. I love all my children and am blessed beyond measures that God has chosen me to be the mom of another baby boy. But the past few months have been really hard. My normal outlet for stress is to exercise, or worse food. But over the past few years I've turned to exercise to help funnel that stress. It's what helped me get through all of the struggles with Kaylebs pregnancy and definitely what helped me get through all of Kaylebs medical issues. I know for a fact had I not used that as my outlet I would have gained an extra 30-40lbs with all that time in the hospital. 

With that being said not beig able to workout during this pregnancy has been one of the toughest things I've ever encountered. I don't need anyone to tell me that the end will be worth it. I know that and I don't lose sight of that. BUT I also know that exercise is my stress reliever, my anti depressant, my anxiety drug. It's the energy that gets me through the day. It may sound crazy to some but it's the best drug I could ever take. So because for almost 5 months I haven't had that drug I've been in withdrawals. At first it was ok I was able to make due, but here lately it has been eating me away. I am literally counting down the days until little man gets here just so I can get my drug back. That may sound selfish to some; but I know that when I exercise; I am a happier person, I'm a better mom, wife, woman and so much more. So I feel like I have been failing these past few months, (pregnant woman are always emotional), but I haven't felt like a good mom or a good wife, I can feel myself snapping quicker and being exhausted (yes I know in I'm pregnant but I mean just mentally zoned out). My therapist tells me that I hold myself to a higher standard and have high expectations for myself and that may be true. But at the end of the day that's not going to change. I know what I expect myself to get accomplished and when I don't I know it fuels the depression/anxiety/unmotivation. 

I know that many look to me for inspiration, I hear it all the time and honestly that is what has helped push me some; but sometimes it's just not enough. I know many of asked why I haven't been posting as much motivational stuff; well here it's. I just haven't felt like I have been motivating to myself, let alone anyone else. 

I say all this to hopefully reach someone out there who may be going through something similar (you don't have to be pregnant to be in a funk). I may only have 6 weeks or less until this baby gets here but I REFUSE to continually feel like this. I have the choice! It's up to me what that choice is going to be; do I continue to live in this rut or do I pull myself out step by step. I've decided in going to do the latter. Tomorrow is a Monday that means it's my chance to start off fresh, to have a do over and I'm going to take it! I know I have not only my family counting on me, but I have my team and my challengers who are looking to me every day to lead them and motivate them and I want to be that great leader. I know that God places us in situations to test us; it's up to us whether or not we want to to turn that test into a testimony. 

Not sure who I'm speaking to but God laid this on my heart to write out and so I just let it flow! Sorry for the vent. 

Week 28-29, Kayleb Update and Back to School.

This week was the official back to school week for Jayden. While I had looked forward to getting back to a normal routine, it was surprisingly hard for me the first few days. I realize I haven't worked for months but it was my first not being at back to school activities, plus I missed my little buddy and helper while he was at school. I may or may not have shed a few tears the first few days when Kayleb was asleep for an abnormally long time at nap time. 

I will say I absolutely love or new routines and getting to walk Jayden to school everyday. While I was sad for a second about not doing back to school, I love that I get to be super involved in Jayden's school and be there everyday to pick him up and drop him off 

Being in true fashion I schedule appts for Kayleb and I this week and it just so happened we literally had an appt every single day; talk about exhausting. However our first appt of the week was for my munchkin and we couldn't have been happier for the report. At his 4 month post open heart surgery appointment he got a great report. Everything on his echocardiogram looked great, the leak that was around the patch has closed up. While his weight is still slow to come on and eating is still an issue we will continue wth his speech therapy 3 times a week and keep packing on the lbs. We don't have to go back for 6 months to the cardiologist. Wooo hooo!!! 

As for me and my ginourmous belly we are doing well. This weeks appt showed no changes (which is a good thing) I will continue alternating weekly appointments between my regular ob and the perinatal specialists. Baby looks good and is weighing in around 2.5lbs. My amniotic fluid is still high around 23 but staying stable. We will continue with the weekly progesterone shots (to slow the labor process) and I have a pill called procardia to take should any contractions start. 

Can you say brothers.

The week ended on a not so happy note; hoping to enjoy the long weekend pool side we were sidelined by Kayleb and I getting sick. He started around Wednesday and ended up with an upper respiratory and ear infection and what ever he had he passed right on to momma. It hit me like a ton of bricks Friday and I was MISERABLE. I was so so proud of my streak I had almost made it this entire pregnancy without being sick. All my pregnant Mommas know that getting sick while pregnant is the worst because you can't take hardly ANYTHING. So we spent the weekend resting and cuddling up to watch movies. Although we did venture out for Jayden's first baseball game of the season Saturday morning. 

At the drs office he couldn't resist. 

Pregnancy #3 Week 25

I don't even really know where to start with this pregnancy. They say every pregnancy is different and I get that. Lemme tell you mine have been to the EXTREME!!! Obviously with all that we had been through with Kayleb, from jump the drs have been on me like a hawk. I think out of the 22 weeks we've known we were pregnant I haven't seen the dr maybe 3 of those weeks. From drs appts, to specialists, to sonos and fetal echocardiograms we've done it all and we still have 13 weeks left. 

So I've been no where near as diligent taking photos as I was with Kayleb; I know horrible mommy. But with the most rambunctious 10 month old, a 6 year old, summer, running a business, being on bed rest I just haven't done the best job. I promise to try and be better. But so far here's what ya get! 

Clearly I suck lol, being as I'm 25 weeks and haven't taken any since the picture above. But we all know what I look like pregnant and 3rd babies have bloomed way more early than previous ones.

SO what we know so far: 

1. Around 10 weeks we found out I had a blood clotting disorder that is pregnancy induced. We weren't aware of it from previous pregnancies because I never showed any signs or symptoms. So because of this, I started having to give myself Lovenox injections daily (oh so fun lemme tell you). As we get closer to delivery I will switch to heparin shots in order to prepare. This also means that the dr won't let me go past 38 weeks because of the risk it poses. So that moves baby date kt around Nov 3rd. 

2. Because I had polyhydraminous (excess amniotic fluid) wth Kayleb, the likelihood of me having it again is pretty high. Around 32 weeks with Kayleb I was around 25cm of fluid (anything above 20 is considered high). At 25 weeks with this one I am already at 20cm. So we will be keeping close eye on it. 

3. Because I had a preterm baby before and because I've conceived and will have given birth within same year I am at high risk for another preterm baby. They think that he will probably come around the time Kayleb did which was 36 weeks which puts baby due date around Oct 22. 

4. Baby #3 does have a calcium deposit on his heart or a small bright spot. This could be quite normal but with or history they are not taking it lightly. They keep an eye on t every sono and are continuing to measure to make sure he is growing at normal pace (so far so good). The fetal echocardiogram was normal, however to me this means nothing and I take it with a grain of salt as Kaylebs fetal echocardiogram was completely normal and his defects weren't found until after he was born. So until baby boy gets here I'll continue to pray. 

5. Around 22 weeks I started having preterm labor contractions that were changing my cervix (not good). I had a short stint in the hospital followed by a long 4 weeks on bedrest (whatever that means when you have 2 kids). So because of this I have started weekly progesterone shots (yippee more shots) to help slow down the progression of labor. Let me tell you I can handle the daily injections in the stomach but this is a weekly injection in my ass with a 20 gauge needle that Eric has to adminstor, when I tell you that mess hurts (and I have a pretty high pain tolerance), I mean tears streaming down my face; it's awful. I will continue that until labor and will be adding in procardia within the next two weeks (another slow down labor, but luckily it's a pill). As of wed 8/6 the dr lifted my bed rest slightly. As long as I haven't been having contractions or feeling bad I am able to get out of the house now, walk, and be slightly normal. However I'm still supposed to be limiting the amount of time in holding Kayleb, standing up, etc. At this point I am happy for any sort of normalcy. 

To say I've been on an emotional roller coaster is an understatement, from having a medical baby, spending lots of time in the hospital, dealing with post partumn depression and PTSD, heart surgeries, moves, engagements, more babies and life changes our family has had quite the year, and we still have 5 months left of it. I still struggle with my depression and PTSD but luckily therapy is really helping. I'm not ashamed to say that because if my story can help someone else than I will feel like I am doing something for others. Sometimes in life we have hardships and I know God has a plan for each and every obstacle that he has put in front of us and every one we will face in the future. I've learned so much about myself through all of this and the type of person I want to be; I want God to use me to help speak to others, to become a better partner/wife, mother, daughter and child of God. I look forward to what's ahead and I know it will be nothing short of adventurous. 

Until next time.............

~ boy mom

I'm BACCCCKK!!!

So my other half is quite adamant that I start my blog back up. Secretly I think it's cause he loves reading it. So here we go. Clearly I'm behind on a lot so I'll do short recap and then pick up where we are at. 

Well there's been a lot updated since the last time I posted. Most of you follow us on Facebook so you've been kept up today but quick run down. 

March 4th, 2014  Kayleb had heart surgery to repair his ASD and VSD's. I have several posts that are in drafts that I wrote at that time but I need to go back and add more that's for a later time.

April 1st, 2014 found out we were having baby boy #3 SURPRISE!! Nothing like throwing in more babies on this crazy adventure we call life. 

May 11th, 2014 - the boys proposed to me in the sweetest way after a wonderful Mother's Day Brunch. 

June-July 2014 have been filled with lots of ups and downs and everything in between, from resigning from teaching and deciding to stay home full time, finding the venue where we will be married, selling my childhood home, a short stay in the hospital, bed rest, and many many more. Until the next time.........